Au pair trial day

My god small infants are a nightmare.. i had my trial day today, when the small creature was entrusted in my care.

work began at 8 am. I cant remember the last time i got up at 7.30.. Perhaps in 2012 or somesuch.. Either way i disliked it immensley.

My luxurious breakfast was destroyed by the pityful grunting for ” her bobs” . she waits there with her mouth open, squaking like a ravenous gannet till she has her fill. once filled she releases her bowels and i must dispose of a sodden nappy while scooping her under he crook of my arm. she then digs her little claws into my neck and gently drools guzzies , snots and milk all down my top.

we then have to smother her in suncream , tuck in all her vests and babygrows, wrap her up in her blankets while she wriggles like a restless catterpillar in a cocoon, and then we go into town for ” walkies “.

I then have to learn baby lingo or coochie cooing as it is sometimes referred to “OH LOOK AT THE BABBAS SO CUUTE ARENT U ! YES YOU ARE! WANT THE BOBS ? WILL I GET THE BOBS FOR YOU BABBA ” etc

Then we go to starbucks where we are charged an extraorinary price for a cappucino which she then ruins by more squaking attracting the stares of a gaggle of grumpy germans. She reefs the sunglasses from my face and i realise i would never embody european vogue again for i was a slave to the creature now..

Trying to return on the tram was more of a disaster. The swiss transport system was super efficient giving us about ten seconds to embark and dismount.

i then thought how about a walk around the garden but was unnerved by the two cheetahs that were looking at me from behind a fence beside the gaff. They had broken free from their enclosure apparently..

So i was housebound for the rest of the evening while “babba ” does her excercises. which basically involve me dangling a rattle above her head while she tries to lift her neck but often just lands face down in the pillow squaking. rather like me at an excercise class with rebekkah.

so thats it so far folks. stay tuned as next weekend i am planning to escape somewhere


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